It can be as tough on you as it is on them
When my husband was in the Navy, I learned the phrase: “The toughest job in the military is being a (Navy) spouse.” Dealing with deployments, long separations and uncertain futures, I had to learn how to adapt to significant changes in our lives.
It may be fair to say an even more challenging job is being the caregiver for a loved one with dementia. The spouse, who has depended upon their partner for support over the years, may now find their loved one is no longer able to consciously provide the love and support they once shared. Tasks always completed by the individual with dementia now fall to the spouse or adult child, who may struggle to complete the work that is left undone.
For the military spouse separation is often temporary, with a defined time to anticipate the return of their loved one. For the caregiver of someone with dementia, the devasting realization is that their loved one will never return as the person they knew.
I would be less than honest if I told you that I handled my husband’s dementia without a hitch. The transition and increased responsibilities took a greater emotional and physical toll than I anticipated. In the Navy I could turn to other wives for support. Now, I had nowhere to turn. Or, so I thought.
I share this story with you because a friend of mine talked me into attending a Care Givers Support Group. It made a big difference for me and it could for you. The first thing I found out is that I was not alone. I also learned a lot from the shared experiences, and I picked up several tips for managing behavior. Sometimes, I used the meetings to simply vent to others because they understood what I was going through. Soon, I found that I looked forward to attending the meetings and I was pleasantly surprised when several of the group became my friends.
If a support group works for you the way mine works for me, I heartily recommend that you give it a try.
The COA Nocatee Care-Giver Support Group Meets Every Tuesday.
Editor’s Note: Once again, the two best, non-commercial sources for information and support are the book, “The 36-Hour Day” and the Alzheimer’s Association. For more info on both please see page 119.
